6 Tips For Emotional Healing

6 Tips For Emotional Healing

So I know as of lately my emotions has been all over the place. I made it clear this month in my It’s October !! post that I wanted to focus on healing. Inside and out, especially mentally. So it is time to be still for a moment.   Also, it time for me too really sit back to identify what is making me feel all of these emotions.  With all that being said I had to identify that I was emotionally a mess. I had lost control….. one thing about a person like me losing control scares me.  So this month I put myself under the microscope and really worked hard with getting to core of what my grief was. Check out my story to see if I am in the process of recovering from emotional pains and scars!

7Y6A9414

My Story …

First I constantly was worry, and complaining a lot.  I was worry about being successful, money problem, just a lot of things that everyday people are challenge with. I was mental drained. Also I was suffering from the perfectionism complex. I  felt like I  had to be perfect. I really can feel the pressure  I put on myself.  All my family and friends looking at me, using me as the model. I put so much pressure on myself to the point I stated to rebel. My rebellious state put me in the worst predicament ever in my life. I was force to make some hard decisions during that time. After coming though that tough time, I found myself ridden with some much guilt, shame, and sadness. I felt like a failure.. I was literally crying all the time.  (At that point, I made the decision to talk to somebody… I talked to my mom, also I was in the process of finding a therapist) This was the first time I realize I was not on it. I made a huge mistake and I was not alright. I was so busy trying to be perfect that I believe that I could never make a mistake of that magnitude. I had to face reality that I was not perfect. I was not excused from making mistakes.

So with that being said I believe that GOD put me through it to learn that I was not perfect. I will make mistakes and just because I made of mistake does not make unworthy of love. He understand that all his children are human, and we all make mistake. I had learned to stop condemning myself . In order to heal you  have to first self examine, ask for forgiveness and go on with life. Now I am not trying to take get to heavily spiritually, I wanted to share with you all my story on how I am learning how to heal myself emotionally.  Honestly, this journey  of healing is something I have to practice day by day. I truly understand that in order to heal I have to trust the process and learn to accept myself. Also, to stop being my worst enemy, and how to still love myself past all the mistakes that I made and will make in life.  Let me be clear … I am still healing and I will probably be healing for a while however, for the first time I don’t feel like I have to be perfect !

Identify Emotional Pain

Emotional pain can really make it hard for anyone to live their best life. It really can take a hold of you and really cause a mess. I think it is important to try to identify it however, emotional pain can be hard to identify in my opinion. I realize on my own that I was holding to a lot of grief from my past. Even some close friends told me that I needed let go of thing that was “life span” ago.  Seriously, it was a lot of things were on my shoulders. It was really wearing away at me.  That type of pain can really hinder anyone from living their life and manifest some terrible things physically. I know for me I continue to replay the past. I kept thinking about my issues over and over, those thought only made me more sad, and piled on more grief.  So with that being said I am tired physically  of carrying all this stuff around. So I had to really practice the art of “letting go“.

7Y6A9440

Tips for Healing Emotionally 

  • let go of all the baggage that you carrying. it’s too heavy
  • forgiveness is key
  • accept who you are and make peace with yourself
  • stop ruminating – stop harboring over the hurt, past, and the grief
  • speaking positivity really helps – self affirmations
  • turn lemons into lemonade – turn your failure into something positive

Importantly: Remember if you need to talk to therapist to hep you navigate be all means put this post down and do what you need to do to start the healing process

Other ways to help mental wellness…

  • I am optimist, my mommy taught me how to look on the bright side of things. I have faith and hope that I am always going to make it through anything that is challenging, thankful I do !
  • Supportive people in your corner
  • Expressing gratitude: Having a gratitude journal has being really helping me. Every night I write down what I am thankful for. I go to bed with joy in my heart, and really helps with putting all my things into perspective
  • Mindfulness:  Presently and actively appreciating were you are at in life.

Disclaimer: I want to make it clear and I am not licences individual or therapist. These are just my personal thoughts.Importantly: Remember if you need to talk to therapist to help you navigate through it all; Pleas put this post down and do what you need to do to start your healing process.


Resources: Psychology Today: www.psychologytoday.com – has a whole list of therapist, and 
social workers in your area that you can reach out to for help). Therapy for Black Girls: www.therapyforblackgirls.com– has a list of black therapists in your area.

7Y6A9318

“Until you heal the wounds of your past, you are going to bleed. You are going to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex; But eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the words,  Stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories and make peace with them. “

-Iyanla Vanzant

7Y6A9328
My mom said me and Viola Davis favor each other in this picture

Photographer: Daniela Lisi – Nicole & Daniela Photography | IG: @nicole_daniela_studio or @nicole_daniela_photo |Website: www.NicoleDanielaPhoto.com 

Special shout to Daniela. She is one of the sweetest person I every met. She is so honest and I really appreciate people like her. We literally had a whole conversation while taking these pictures. I really appreciate and love days like this. 

Location: Nicole & Daniela Studio


Why I was inspired…

I love to tell my story because I feel like it can ignite the fire in someone to do something about what they are going through. It was really important for me to get my smile back so I turn my grief into a post to help myself, to learn, and to hopefully help someone else.  I hope this find you well

If you enjoy this post please let me know below in the comments section. Thank you so much for reading and don’t hesitate to like, comment and subscribe to my blog.

Also don’t be stranger on social media. Check me out of Facebook and Instagram

cassandra

Story Time: Why I Was Inspired to Start Blogging?

Story Time: Why I Was Inspired to Start Blogging?

I felt compelled today to tell my story as to why I started blogging. I mention it a bit in about me page my blog. However, I never fully went into to details about. I feel comfortable at this time to tell my story. Disclaimer: I have to be really honest with how my brain process things at time. Ha, you might not like the fact that  I started with superficial dreams.  But it is my truth at that time. Hopefully this story will find you and give you to the courage to go for what you want in life. Motivation is the key ! There is always something that spark the flame within you to go for something.

So before I started blogging I was really unsure of myself and not really sure where I fit in the world. Struggling always to find my voice. On top of that all I had a low self-esteem. I would mask my tears and sadness with jokes, laughter, and priding myself on being the class clown. I always wanted everybody to like to me… I wanted to be popular. Let me remind you this was only a few years ago. I was totally confused.  On the flip side, I really did not have sense of style in my opinion. I grew up during that time wear Akadmiks, Pepe, Baby Phat “urban” street wear was in style.  I was mixing trend, wearing outdated things… simply a mess.  Don’t judge… if you are millennial you already know the early 2000s was something else lol !

Shocked Franchesca Ramsey GIF by chescaleigh

So how did I get myself together, First I had to let go of a few things that were hindering me in my past. Bad breakup, Bad friendships and embrace new endeavors.  I had to let go my feelings towards the worst relationship crisis and friendship during my freshman year of college. If you want to read the full story check out my beautifully broken post .  After that horrible experience a few other bad ones I learn that I have to love myself first before I can be in any relationships. So I started focusing on me. I started to take more pride in my appearance and how I valued myself over the time I had to myself.  I started dressing up more, wearing more makeup and trying different styles out. I felt I needed to look the part. I ask my mom for her guidance and I got really into People StyleWatch magazine. By that time I graduated from college and I  was working as intern in Downtown Detroit.  A girl at work got me really hooked on interest. I was creating boards and liking pictures left and right.  I knew at work it was dress free environment but I wanted to step my game up further. I wanted to prove to people, that just because I was a curvy girl does not mean I did not know how to dress that was false.

culture smile GIF

One day while I was on Pinterest I stumble across Kelly Augustine picture. Kelly is plus size blogger/ influencer.  She was so bold and regal in her picture. Kelly Augustine, then it grew to Essie Golden, Osha Waiters, Hayet Rida, GabiFresh, Naturally Fashionable … the list can go on and on.  I was super inspired.  They  were so confident and that want I wanted to be was confident.  Forgot the clothes I wanted the confidences that beamed off of them.  So in 2015 I got the nerve up to start FashionLayn.  And the rest is history !

fierce swimwear GIF

I started showcasing different fashion style however it was hard staying consistent at first. Then I transition into providing a positive message to curvy women. Now I am all into curvy fashion, speaking to millennial, and show off my city, Detroit. I absolutely love to blog and talking to you all like a real life girlfriend! Over the 3 years of blogging I have grown and overcome many obstacles along the way. I super proud with where I am now with my blogging. I am super excited to see how far this go for me !

So the answer to my question, I was inspired to start my blog because I wanted  confidences for myself. I wanted the confidences like all those curvy girls I shared in this story. It is still a real up and down story. I wouldn’t be me if I said I had it all together. I chose to share it with yall! Go for what you want and don’t let anybody tell you it’s not possible.  Be Confident This is my dream and currently living it ! 

letitia wright black girl magic GIF by Republic Records

Special shoutout to BlogWithKim Mastermind Class who inspired me and others to share their story.

cassandra

Droppin’ Gems: Never Too Old To Go After Your Dreams

Droppin’ Gems: Never Too Old To Go After Your Dreams

I know a lot of people can understand where I am coming from in whatever avenue they are in. When I am I going to make it ? What is my success story going to me? Am I too old for that ? The everyday struggle of a Millennial.   I struggle sometimes seeing other people younger than me making in the field that I am working to grow in.   Now I have to be honest I never thought that I would be a fashion blogger. When I was a young girl  I had it all planned out. I was going to be married by 25, kid before 30, and successful career as Creative Art Director.  Well my actual life is not the success story I was picturing. I am 28 with nothing to really to show for. I ask my parents for money, struggle to pay my rent/bills and  have a  fear that I am going to be some man’s baby momma. Too much right. LOL these are my truths.  And then the doubt sets in. I hate it ! I have to constantly remind myself and read my blog post about how doubt kills dreams.This is not what I had in mind when I think about successful life.

My personal thoughts:   I keep feeling this heavy pressure barreling down on me. I don’t know if I am ever going to make it, especially as a blogger.  Now I am very much aware that I am only 28 years writing this  but so what.  In all honesty I just struggle with my age and what society says I should be doing, or what parents say I should be doing.  Other people are launching brands, being feature in magazine, collaborations just the whole 9! And there is me… I am not sure what me is doing  

Again, I put so much pressure on myself. I feel like I am on this invisible clock .. like I have to be successful by a certain age, if not then I am a failure!  I am here to tell you there is no clock, and this so unhealthy to put all that pressure on your shoulder. It not fair! So with that being said I am going to stop putting all that pressure on myself.  I am the reason why I am so burnout and ultimately why I can be unmotivated. So at this moment, I here to say that I will not determine my success based of my age. My age is the not the end all. I have to stay in my lane and do what I feel is right to get me to my goal. To be honest, I believe I am more mature and that have a better outlook on what I really want to do in my life.  Beyoncé was not Beyoncé over night. She worked extremely hard and  she super passionate !

Late Bloomer Success Stories:

Viola Davis, Kerry Washington, Taraji P Henson, JK Rowling, Vera Wang, Melissa McCarthy, Leslie Jones, Lupita Nyong’o, Samuel L Jackson, and Phylicia Rashad – to name a few

viola davis i became an artist and thank god i did because we are the only profession that celebrates GIF by The Academy Awards

So above I listed a few people who became very successful and popular in their careers at a late age. I feel like society believes a late bloomer is anybody at the age of 30  or older? Is this really true. I feel like 30 is young but generation X calls me old lol

So my dream is to become a full-time blogger. I want to continue to showcase my stories and feelings to all the millennial women out there. Also I want my dreams of being full-time blogger morph into plus size fashion line.   When I was younger I use to draw pictures of different outfits for curvy girls. Then when I was in high school I had a fashion illustration class it was magic. To be honest anything that is pushing me to be creative, it’s for me ! Again, you are never too old to go after your dream !! So this is going to happen for me. I am going to have successful that turns into a fashion store !

stoned fashion GIF by Sam Cannon

You are never to old to set another goal or to dream a new dream

-C.S. Lewis

With all that being said… go for what you want and don’t let you age, the fear of failure, or whatever stop you for going after your dream. Your identify has never been set in stone. Let go of the pressure and go for what you want.  The more pressure you put the faster you can burn yourself out. Take it day by day ! Never be scared to learn

I have to be honest I don’t have any special formula or whatever to go by. I just want you to read this get motivated.  The ship has not sailed !So I writing this to tell you and myself that you are never to old to dream, and to live out your dream. Your dreams  might be delayed but not denied. Whatever it is that you want to do in life, do it! Do not let you age or anybody take you from going after whatever it is that you desire.

Issa Rae GIF by MTV Movie & TV Awards

 


What is your success story ?

Let me know below in the comments section. Thank you so much for reading and don’t hesitate to like, comment and subscribe to my blog.

Also don’t be stranger on social media. Check me out of Facebook and Instagram

REMINDER: Any step towards your dreams are never a backward step!

 

The Importance of Female Camaraderie

The Importance of Female Camaraderie

The stereotype when women come together is that we are always divided.  Trying to find any reason to claw out each other eyes. I also heard that we don’t root for one another when other wins. As a black woman I know it all to well. It is a huge stigma against black women I know yall believe because you see  it all on TV.. reality TV tell women that we will rather see yall drag each other to make a quick buck.  Do I really need to name the shows… come on now you probably watching one of them right now ! I’m not going to lie to you sis I am guilty as charge. I keep up with the shows too. Women against women sells! However, in all honestly I am over it! I am over seeing women fighting each over men. Or women not rooting for one another because of their own insecurities. I simply over the jealously, and unhealthy competitiveness . Please do not get caught up in that nonsense.   We need to stand up for our sis. Have her back !  Be a true friend because it is hard out here trying to navigate these waters,  we need all the help we can get. So I teamed up with my favorite blogger and friend , Leah V  to express the importance of female friendship/camaraderie and female empowerment  with African inspired prints! We got some work to do, so lets start at the foundation .

What is female camaraderie ?

It is really another word for friendship!. Closeness and loyalty shared among a group of women. Yes ladies we need some loyalty,closeness and respect! I believe female camaraderie is an understanding between woman. That we all can come to the table and have respect for one another. Be able to deal with our differences, empathize, and empower one another.  That would be an outstanding girl code.  Friendship and kinship can never be replace and I believe that camaraderie is the foundation.
_DSC0548

Ways to Promote Female Camaraderie Wherever, Whenever, However !

Jealously needs to go! I know women have a tendency to compare themselves to next woman.  Guilty as charge: I have don’t it. Let be clear even the strongest woman in the room has doubt. It plaques us all but we need to be vigilante when we are doing this to ourselves. Jealous definitely taints our perspective. So with that being said we need stop the comparing and embrace what makes you.. you!  Build up your self esteem, set your goals, have tunnel vision, and celebrate your wins.

I need your support Another way to build female camaraderie is to support one another. Show up for your girl when she launching and brand. Hold her up when she is going through it. We need to support one another.

Something got ahold of you, Its the Past! Grudges between women can linger for along time. When women have a confrontation it really hard to repair those relationships. I believe in order to get past all the mess that we need to let go of what happen in the past. I really want women to try to find some common ground and some mutual respect.

Respect goes a long way With all that being said we have to have respect for one another. No matter how different we are we still have to respect and try to empathize with one another. It simple as that!

IMG_7283

Camaraderie is Important.

Simply having her back, being honest without the confrontation. “Were all in this together” mentality. I want women to win so I believe camaraderie is important because of the support/ console, mutual respect for one another, and identity. If we as women can create a solid foundation to stand on, the door can open for us all to have a seat at the table and have a conversation and try to figure it all out.  Respect goes a long way so lets put the right foot forward .

IMG_7021

Behind every successful woman is tribe of other successful women who have her back.

_DSC0672


A few of my favorite pictures from the shoot !

IMG_7391

IMG_7156

_DSC0393

Location: Midtown Detroit & Downtown Detroit (Cadillac Square)

Model: Leah Vernon- The creator of the Beauty and the Muse

Photographer: Nicole & Daniela Photography | Website: NicoleDanielaPhoto.com | IG: @Danielalisi & @Nicolegafa

i believe that camaraderie between unrelated women can win. what do you think ? 

let me know your thoughts below in the comments 

push forward.

cassandra