6 Tips For Emotional Healing

6 Tips For Emotional Healing

So I know as of lately my emotions has been all over the place. I made it clear this month in my It’s October !! post that I wanted to focus on healing. Inside and out, especially mentally. So it is time to be still for a moment.   Also, it time for me too really sit back to identify what is making me feel all of these emotions.  With all that being said I had to identify that I was emotionally a mess. I had lost control….. one thing about a person like me losing control scares me.  So this month I put myself under the microscope and really worked hard with getting to core of what my grief was. Check out my story to see if I am in the process of recovering from emotional pains and scars!

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My Story …

First I constantly was worry, and complaining a lot.  I was worry about being successful, money problem, just a lot of things that everyday people are challenge with. I was mental drained. Also I was suffering from the perfectionism complex. I  felt like I  had to be perfect. I really can feel the pressure  I put on myself.  All my family and friends looking at me, using me as the model. I put so much pressure on myself to the point I stated to rebel. My rebellious state put me in the worst predicament ever in my life. I was force to make some hard decisions during that time. After coming though that tough time, I found myself ridden with some much guilt, shame, and sadness. I felt like a failure.. I was literally crying all the time.  (At that point, I made the decision to talk to somebody… I talked to my mom, also I was in the process of finding a therapist) This was the first time I realize I was not on it. I made a huge mistake and I was not alright. I was so busy trying to be perfect that I believe that I could never make a mistake of that magnitude. I had to face reality that I was not perfect. I was not excused from making mistakes.

So with that being said I believe that GOD put me through it to learn that I was not perfect. I will make mistakes and just because I made of mistake does not make unworthy of love. He understand that all his children are human, and we all make mistake. I had learned to stop condemning myself . In order to heal you  have to first self examine, ask for forgiveness and go on with life. Now I am not trying to take get to heavily spiritually, I wanted to share with you all my story on how I am learning how to heal myself emotionally.  Honestly, this journey  of healing is something I have to practice day by day. I truly understand that in order to heal I have to trust the process and learn to accept myself. Also, to stop being my worst enemy, and how to still love myself past all the mistakes that I made and will make in life.  Let me be clear … I am still healing and I will probably be healing for a while however, for the first time I don’t feel like I have to be perfect !

Identify Emotional Pain

Emotional pain can really make it hard for anyone to live their best life. It really can take a hold of you and really cause a mess. I think it is important to try to identify it however, emotional pain can be hard to identify in my opinion. I realize on my own that I was holding to a lot of grief from my past. Even some close friends told me that I needed let go of thing that was “life span” ago.  Seriously, it was a lot of things were on my shoulders. It was really wearing away at me.  That type of pain can really hinder anyone from living their life and manifest some terrible things physically. I know for me I continue to replay the past. I kept thinking about my issues over and over, those thought only made me more sad, and piled on more grief.  So with that being said I am tired physically  of carrying all this stuff around. So I had to really practice the art of “letting go“.

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Tips for Healing Emotionally 

  • let go of all the baggage that you carrying. it’s too heavy
  • forgiveness is key
  • accept who you are and make peace with yourself
  • stop ruminating – stop harboring over the hurt, past, and the grief
  • speaking positivity really helps – self affirmations
  • turn lemons into lemonade – turn your failure into something positive

Importantly: Remember if you need to talk to therapist to hep you navigate be all means put this post down and do what you need to do to start the healing process

Other ways to help mental wellness…

  • I am optimist, my mommy taught me how to look on the bright side of things. I have faith and hope that I am always going to make it through anything that is challenging, thankful I do !
  • Supportive people in your corner
  • Expressing gratitude: Having a gratitude journal has being really helping me. Every night I write down what I am thankful for. I go to bed with joy in my heart, and really helps with putting all my things into perspective
  • Mindfulness:  Presently and actively appreciating were you are at in life.

Disclaimer: I want to make it clear and I am not licences individual or therapist. These are just my personal thoughts.Importantly: Remember if you need to talk to therapist to help you navigate through it all; Pleas put this post down and do what you need to do to start your healing process.


Resources: Psychology Today: www.psychologytoday.com – has a whole list of therapist, and 
social workers in your area that you can reach out to for help). Therapy for Black Girls: www.therapyforblackgirls.com– has a list of black therapists in your area.

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“Until you heal the wounds of your past, you are going to bleed. You are going to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex; But eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the words,  Stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories and make peace with them. “

-Iyanla Vanzant

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My mom said me and Viola Davis favor each other in this picture

Photographer: Daniela Lisi – Nicole & Daniela Photography | IG: @nicole_daniela_studio or @nicole_daniela_photo |Website: www.NicoleDanielaPhoto.com 

Special shout to Daniela. She is one of the sweetest person I every met. She is so honest and I really appreciate people like her. We literally had a whole conversation while taking these pictures. I really appreciate and love days like this. 

Location: Nicole & Daniela Studio


Why I was inspired…

I love to tell my story because I feel like it can ignite the fire in someone to do something about what they are going through. It was really important for me to get my smile back so I turn my grief into a post to help myself, to learn, and to hopefully help someone else.  I hope this find you well

If you enjoy this post please let me know below in the comments section. Thank you so much for reading and don’t hesitate to like, comment and subscribe to my blog.

Also don’t be stranger on social media. Check me out of Facebook and Instagram

cassandra

Story Time: Why I Was Inspired to Start Blogging?

Story Time: Why I Was Inspired to Start Blogging?

I felt compelled today to tell my story as to why I started blogging. I mention it a bit in about me page my blog. However, I never fully went into to details about. I feel comfortable at this time to tell my story. Disclaimer: I have to be really honest with how my brain process things at time. Ha, you might not like the fact that  I started with superficial dreams.  But it is my truth at that time. Hopefully this story will find you and give you to the courage to go for what you want in life. Motivation is the key ! There is always something that spark the flame within you to go for something.

So before I started blogging I was really unsure of myself and not really sure where I fit in the world. Struggling always to find my voice. On top of that all I had a low self-esteem. I would mask my tears and sadness with jokes, laughter, and priding myself on being the class clown. I always wanted everybody to like to me… I wanted to be popular. Let me remind you this was only a few years ago. I was totally confused.  On the flip side, I really did not have sense of style in my opinion. I grew up during that time wear Akadmiks, Pepe, Baby Phat “urban” street wear was in style.  I was mixing trend, wearing outdated things… simply a mess.  Don’t judge… if you are millennial you already know the early 2000s was something else lol !

Shocked Franchesca Ramsey GIF by chescaleigh

So how did I get myself together, First I had to let go of a few things that were hindering me in my past. Bad breakup, Bad friendships and embrace new endeavors.  I had to let go my feelings towards the worst relationship crisis and friendship during my freshman year of college. If you want to read the full story check out my beautifully broken post .  After that horrible experience a few other bad ones I learn that I have to love myself first before I can be in any relationships. So I started focusing on me. I started to take more pride in my appearance and how I valued myself over the time I had to myself.  I started dressing up more, wearing more makeup and trying different styles out. I felt I needed to look the part. I ask my mom for her guidance and I got really into People StyleWatch magazine. By that time I graduated from college and I  was working as intern in Downtown Detroit.  A girl at work got me really hooked on interest. I was creating boards and liking pictures left and right.  I knew at work it was dress free environment but I wanted to step my game up further. I wanted to prove to people, that just because I was a curvy girl does not mean I did not know how to dress that was false.

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One day while I was on Pinterest I stumble across Kelly Augustine picture. Kelly is plus size blogger/ influencer.  She was so bold and regal in her picture. Kelly Augustine, then it grew to Essie Golden, Osha Waiters, Hayet Rida, GabiFresh, Naturally Fashionable … the list can go on and on.  I was super inspired.  They  were so confident and that want I wanted to be was confident.  Forgot the clothes I wanted the confidences that beamed off of them.  So in 2015 I got the nerve up to start FashionLayn.  And the rest is history !

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I started showcasing different fashion style however it was hard staying consistent at first. Then I transition into providing a positive message to curvy women. Now I am all into curvy fashion, speaking to millennial, and show off my city, Detroit. I absolutely love to blog and talking to you all like a real life girlfriend! Over the 3 years of blogging I have grown and overcome many obstacles along the way. I super proud with where I am now with my blogging. I am super excited to see how far this go for me !

So the answer to my question, I was inspired to start my blog because I wanted  confidences for myself. I wanted the confidences like all those curvy girls I shared in this story. It is still a real up and down story. I wouldn’t be me if I said I had it all together. I chose to share it with yall! Go for what you want and don’t let anybody tell you it’s not possible.  Be Confident This is my dream and currently living it ! 

letitia wright black girl magic GIF by Republic Records

Special shoutout to BlogWithKim Mastermind Class who inspired me and others to share their story.

cassandra

DROPPIN’ GEMS: Doubt Kills Dreams

DROPPIN’ GEMS: Doubt Kills Dreams

Have you heard the phrase… “Doubt kills more dream than failure ever will” ? Yeah I came across this quote on Pinterest and it really got me thinking about self doubt and how easy we can fall to it. Doubt can make you lack confidence in your abilities to accomplish something.  It hold you back from doing great things.  We all were given potential to do something great with our lives. However we still doubt ourselves.

Why do you doubt ourselves in the first place ?

  1. Fear that we can’t sustain.
  2. Habitual doubter – It’s habit – sidenote: it take 21 days to break a habit.
  3. We lack the skills or the experiences
  4. Not putting the past behind us
  5. We believe what others day
  6. Surround by people who doubt themselves
  7. Comfort Zone/ Complacent

All these things can make you doubt yourself. Doubt your potential and then it can kill your dream ! So listen we do not have time for the dream killing or the dream killers. Doubt definitely kills dreams more than failure. Doubt will have you thinking all negative thought on why something can not happen for you. Listen: Believe in yourself… Im going to say it again. Believe in yourself. You can do anything that you put your mind. That might sound cliche but it the truth.

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How do we stop doubting ourselves

  1. Stay inspired: No matter if you truly believe in what your doing you have to have that little push to keep us going. So do what you have to do to keep you inspire to keep going. Literally it inspiration everywhere you just need to receptive to it.
  2. Stop comparing yourself: I think I have said these few times in different post but you have stop comparing yourself to others and what they are doing. I know it hard because you want to be great too. However time has it on agenda for you. You make yourself feel inadequate.
  3. Be aware when you are being your worst critic: I think you are selling yourself short when you over criticized
  4. Postive affirmations: I like to read positive and motivational quotes to keep in the right head space when I am feeling down.

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“Self Doubt is the anchor that keeps our ships from sailing”.

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On the Fashion Tip:

I feel like I am bring a spring denim look to the table. Of course you already know I have an addiction to graphic tees. It just so me ! Denim can be done anyway. This is a simply everyday look. Why did get this WOMAN graphic tees? Simply I got it because I am woman.

Shop My Look:

Plus “Woman” Graphic Tee// Boohoo – LINK

Special Thanks:

JORDVN X RYVN (Jordan), a Detroit Photographer, who took these amazing photos of me. His work is beautiful and he capture the moment so lovely. Thanks again

Instagram: @hecutsa|Facebook: Jordan X RYVN

Location: Royal Oak, Michigan

So my dearest readers and myself believe in yourself and your dream. Doubt kills dream and we don’t have time for it. Your dream matters. So stop doubting yourself and believe in that dream and make it a reality !

push forward. chase the dream.

Alayna

Beautifully Broken

Beautifully Broken

FashionLayn Collaborates with BnPowered

BnPowered is motivational movement that inspire a person to be empower by their own personal life, journey, or story. We all have a experience something in our lives that have shape how we are today. Let me say everything that I experience in life has not always been good. I learn over the years how to cope with my bad experiences, and to take power over them and flip my negatives into positives. No I will not be defined by those bad times.

I am so honor to collaborate with Brit Lashae from BnPowered. When black girlS link up we create magic ! First, Brit Lashae is a beautiful black women who use her story, took control of her narrative, and just like her name she is teaches us all how to BnPowered ( be empowered) !  So awesome right yes! I could not say no to this. I am always in search for motivation. Brit Lashae is a survivor , a personal trainer, author, a motivational speaker, and of course the founder BnPowered movement. I am so glad to be apart of the movement!

BnPowered.com

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I was broken ! However I changed my narrative. I would not be define by negativity!

My “Beautifully Broken ” Story

I had a relationship go all the way wrong while I was in my freshman year of college. So I met this guy through my best friend. I fell in love with the guy because he was so kind to everyone despite all he had going on. We dated for two years, and that was my first big relationship. Anywho when I went up to college I remember we decided to break up–honestly I don’t remember why but we did. I can remember that I still was in love with him and I still wanted to be with him badly. Here is the twist, my roommate at the time was a sweet girl. I would consider at the time one of my good friends and I was so happy to have her with me during college. However it all change.  Now remember the guy I was with for 2 years he visit me a few times up and school, thinking he was trying get back with me he only had eyes for my roommate….. Long story short all he wanted was her! They were together right in my face. A real life couple. My roommate and the guy I feel so in love with ! I became the third wheel. I though she was my friend, and thought he had loyalty to me.

What did I do… I tried to deal with, stay in my quiet, until I blew up on them both. This situation left me so broken. I could not believe this would happen to me. I lost my self esteem. I lost my confidences. I lost myself. I was so broken during this time, mind you I had a full load of classes ! It is sad to say it really took me a few years to get myself together. I felt like I would never be find love from man ever. Honestly it took a long time to even get back in the dating scene. So many fail attempts because I was trying to find something to replace that void in my heart.

Eventually, I pick up all the broken pieces and mended myself back together. I prayed, and meditated. I learn that I am worthy of love. Also, I learn to appreciate the experiences. Yes it was a bad experiences but I learn something out of it I am love. Self Love that I needed to have for myself. I needed to love and value myself more. I would not be define by the two that hurt me so.

“We all have broken pieces, but they are Beautifully Broken pieces that are part of the journey.”

-Brit Lashae

Read Brit Lashae story and how she was inspired to create this shirt ! (Read More)

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Shop My Look :

“Beautifully Broken” T-Shirt /// BnPowered  LINK

Plus Size Super Skinny Ankle Jeans// Forever21 LINK

Black “Old Skool” Vans// Journeys LINK

shop her other inspirational and affordable wear!

Shop BnPowered Collections

Special Thanks:

Special shoutout to BnPowered for collaborating with me ! It really warms my heart when I get a chance to collaborate with a black owned business.  Thank you so much hunny! Congrats on your 1 Year anniversary for BnPowered!! Keep flourishing !

Bnpowerd: Instagram @BnPowered | Facebook | BnPowered.com

 

So what are you going to do with your broken pieces ?

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