Single Life Series: Things I Learned About Self While Being Single

Single Life Series: Things I Learned About Self While Being Single

First and foremost, my love life is not remotely interesting. Simply I have been engulf in a see of prospect than turns into to f**k boys. I am no good when it comes to relationships. Frankly, being single sucks at time. I really feel this way when the romantic season approaches.  Valentines is next week.  I already know my timeline is going to jumping, fill of relationship goals hash-tagging , and gifts. Everybody acting really happy on this commercial holiday.  Sometimes, you can’t help but dread being single.  Man, they all make it look so good to be in a relationship. I am saying to myself, “really I want that”.  To be honest, I am starting feel like I will never find that special guy.

Let me keep it all the way 100: I really want to be in relationship with a guy that really cares about me and I care about him. But it is so hard to date now. Man, some of  y’all dudes have been giving me gas! Lol I over it and I am not settling anymore.  Since I have been single I have learned tons of things. What I want and need.  Self love. Knowing what I will not accept. In this post we are going to explore how being single really helped me learn a lot about myself. Hopefully this post can helps us change our perspective on being single.

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Face you make when he says you look pretty for big girl….
  1. Just because it does not work out with someone, does not mean you are a bad person. I have a lot of fall attempts when in comes to being in relationship. They use to leave me asking “what wrong with me”. I had one guy that I was super interested in and it seem like I was always chasing him. I could never get a hold of him. I was wondering if it was something wrong me.  Did I do something wrong? Of course my anxiety was speaking to me loudly saying you should have done this or said less of this. I learn over the course of being single that it is nothing wrong me and I had nothing to do with the reason why he went away. I am just enough. I do not need to do more or less. Any guy that wants me will want to continue to get to know me
  2. No means no! I learn to stand up for myself finally especially to guys.  I know exactly what will not stand.  I finally have set some standard in place
  3. Girlfriends are life savers. Being single you learn that having a good friends in your corner keep you from doing stupid things. I learn so much more about myself when I have discussion with my closest girlfriends. I think I will be a better person for that special someone when the time is right.
  4. Online dating sucks. This is no shade to anyone that enjoy online dating, or who have found their partner online. My experience with it has suck eggs. I felt like everyone on there, that are interested in me, only wants to hook up. Then people lost interest so fast. I rather meet people in person.
  5. Self Discovery- I know what I want.  I have a lot more time to learn myself and work on myself. What I am passionate about?  What I want I want and need? What I wont accept? I value myself so much more, and the way I treat myself will show the my next guy how to treat me
  6. Don’t keep people around just because your lonely- No settling.  I have settle in some trash ass relationship just to spare myself from being lonely. In my opinion, this is when I made some terrible mistakes. Don’t let loneliness cloud your judgement.  Please do not make the mistake for settling for someone that you know deep down they are not right for you. I gave myself time to work on self for that right person.
  7. I suck at communication. I am not good at communication. I blame it on my anxiety. Over thinking and not asking enough questions. Over the time of being single I learned that I need to get better at communication my thoughts.
  8. I am sexy. I don’t not need a man’s validation. When I was younger, the only way I felt beautiful was from a guy telling me I was pretty. Even then it was half ass. Your pretty for a dark skin girl  or pretty for a big girl… WHAT !? The only validation I need is my own. I learned to love & appreciate myself more while being single.
  9. My life does not begin when I find the right person. My life is great right now, it does not start when a man enter it. My life is full for fun, creativity, and great friends and family fill it up. God made me special all on my own. My life will still continue with our without a man present in it.
  10. Maintaining a Relationship is hard. Social media can really trick you out here. Everyone relationship on line looks so good, they only show you want they want you to see. Behind the mask it is hard work and it not always peaches and cream. Being on my own is way easier than being a relationship.

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Special Thanks to  Nicole & Daniela Photography!  They always come through for me!

IG: @nicole_daniela_studio | Website: www.NicoleDanielaPhoto.com


With that being said, being single is not all that bad. Stay tuned. We are going to dive in deeper on the next post in “Single Life Series”.

What are you thoughts on being single ? What have your learn as a single person?

Share with me in the comment section.

Thank you so much for reading and don’t hesitate to like, comment and subscribe to my blog. Let me know what you wanna see in the future on the blog ! I am here for y’all!

Also don’t be stranger on social media. Check me out on Facebook and Instagram

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Chapter 2… February Goals

Chapter 2… February Goals

I know I know… February is when you are going to start fresh?! Right?! I have been seeing this meme going around social media where a lot of people are claiming to start there New Years in February.  I guess January was tough. Hmmm, I know for myself January was kinda hard sis. However, I am so thankful for all the goals I was able to cross off my list. All the doors that open up for me. Another birthday I was able to see and celebrate. I made it through, here we are now at the month love. Wow time really has gone by so fast.

February I have a lot to look forward to. It is the first day of BLACK HISTORY MONTH!  To be frank, Black history is celebrated every day. It is a special month because it is a time to acknowledge the history, excellence, and enjoy how far we have come.

On top of celebrating I find it is very important to remember self. I know for me a get a little down in because I am a single woman. Can I not celebrate valentines because I’m single? So, a little self love and self care goes a long way. I try to find ways to keep my spirits up. Of course Valentines Day is right around the corner and I dread seeing all the post on social media. I guess I can share my thoughts on love on the new podcast! Yes I said podcast!! I am thrilled to announce the brand new ”The Gals Club” Podcast ! I am one out four co-host! IMPORTANT: The first episode will premiere on Feb 7th at 7 pm, every Thursday, every week! Going LIVE on Anueyoumedia.com. Also download the SMD Live app to listen as well. Will be up on the Apple Podcast app soon!

Fashion Note

New York Fashion Week is on its way, and I cannot wait to see all the new things that are coming to the runway. (Feb 8- Feb16th) Already the magazines are giving us the inside scoop on Spring fashion. According to February’s issue of Harper’s Bazaar & InStyle magazines that studded bags, ruffles, plaids, neutrals, dark floral prints, etc. I also noticed that acid wash denim might be making a come back! Yess ! If you want me to create a spring fashion cheat sheet, let me know in the comment section!

This years spring/ summer colors, according to Pantone,  different hues of beige, navy, and browns. Neutral shades are definitely in for this spring season. On the colorful side of things neon colors, marigold. magenta, orange, & cobalt blue. You can also get away with pastel colors. Textiles and patterns: Crochet, fishnet, tie dye print, and artisan pieces. The trend that I am loving is animal print. Snakeskin is on my to do fashion list!

I am super excited this month to step outside my comfort zone a bit. Since love is going to all through the air it is only right that I play with some reds, and pinks in my wardrobe. Lastly what has been my go too in my wardrobe has been blazers! I must say the blazers are the power player last month! Keep a watch out for my Instagram… a few of best blazers are going to be making preview or two.

Blog Note

During this month I want to talk about being single coming from a single person perspective. Ha We are going to dive into my love life, and fish through my thoughts. So all next week is for the single folks! Those that are in relationships, of course, Y’all can read it too! We don’t discriminate here. I can’t forget about fashion. I know a few of my readers are going to be doing some special things for valentines day. You I am going to help y’all out… Showing Y’all how to dress for any occasion, up or down. I plan to take myself out, so yeah I am getting dressed up for it! Hmm, feel like a beauty post is coming too! Definitely, planning on patronizing a few black own businesses in the process.

I currently don’t have any brand partnerships or collaboration at the moment. So I have a lot of great content coming to the blog. So stay tuned. Also don’t hesitate to follow me on Instagram and Facebook. I make a lot of great announcement on my social media platforms.

Personal Note/ Goals

I made a lot of changes for the better of self in January. I am keeping the same energy from January and bring it with me this month.

  1. Drink more water
  2. Eat more fruits and vegetables
  3. Save money for airfare for NYC trip
  4. Pay off my dentist bill & my mother back
  5. Continue to keep going with my blogging plans & stay organize
  6. Think positive

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What are you looking forward to in February?

Share with me in the comment section.

Thank you so much for reading and don’t hesitate to like, comment and subscribe to my blog. Let me know what you wanna see in the future on the blog ! I am here for y’all!

Also don’t be stranger on social media. Check me out on Facebook and Instagram

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6 Tips For Emotional Healing

6 Tips For Emotional Healing

So I know as of lately my emotions has been all over the place. I made it clear this month in my It’s October !! post that I wanted to focus on healing. Inside and out, especially mentally. So it is time to be still for a moment.   Also, it time for me too really sit back to identify what is making me feel all of these emotions.  With all that being said I had to identify that I was emotionally a mess. I had lost control….. one thing about a person like me losing control scares me.  So this month I put myself under the microscope and really worked hard with getting to core of what my grief was. Check out my story to see if I am in the process of recovering from emotional pains and scars!

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My Story …

First I constantly was worry, and complaining a lot.  I was worry about being successful, money problem, just a lot of things that everyday people are challenge with. I was mental drained. Also I was suffering from the perfectionism complex. I  felt like I  had to be perfect. I really can feel the pressure  I put on myself.  All my family and friends looking at me, using me as the model. I put so much pressure on myself to the point I stated to rebel. My rebellious state put me in the worst predicament ever in my life. I was force to make some hard decisions during that time. After coming though that tough time, I found myself ridden with some much guilt, shame, and sadness. I felt like a failure.. I was literally crying all the time.  (At that point, I made the decision to talk to somebody… I talked to my mom, also I was in the process of finding a therapist) This was the first time I realize I was not on it. I made a huge mistake and I was not alright. I was so busy trying to be perfect that I believe that I could never make a mistake of that magnitude. I had to face reality that I was not perfect. I was not excused from making mistakes.

So with that being said I believe that GOD put me through it to learn that I was not perfect. I will make mistakes and just because I made of mistake does not make unworthy of love. He understand that all his children are human, and we all make mistake. I had learned to stop condemning myself . In order to heal you  have to first self examine, ask for forgiveness and go on with life. Now I am not trying to take get to heavily spiritually, I wanted to share with you all my story on how I am learning how to heal myself emotionally.  Honestly, this journey  of healing is something I have to practice day by day. I truly understand that in order to heal I have to trust the process and learn to accept myself. Also, to stop being my worst enemy, and how to still love myself past all the mistakes that I made and will make in life.  Let me be clear … I am still healing and I will probably be healing for a while however, for the first time I don’t feel like I have to be perfect !

Identify Emotional Pain

Emotional pain can really make it hard for anyone to live their best life. It really can take a hold of you and really cause a mess. I think it is important to try to identify it however, emotional pain can be hard to identify in my opinion. I realize on my own that I was holding to a lot of grief from my past. Even some close friends told me that I needed let go of thing that was “life span” ago.  Seriously, it was a lot of things were on my shoulders. It was really wearing away at me.  That type of pain can really hinder anyone from living their life and manifest some terrible things physically. I know for me I continue to replay the past. I kept thinking about my issues over and over, those thought only made me more sad, and piled on more grief.  So with that being said I am tired physically  of carrying all this stuff around. So I had to really practice the art of “letting go“.

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Tips for Healing Emotionally 

  • let go of all the baggage that you carrying. it’s too heavy
  • forgiveness is key
  • accept who you are and make peace with yourself
  • stop ruminating – stop harboring over the hurt, past, and the grief
  • speaking positivity really helps – self affirmations
  • turn lemons into lemonade – turn your failure into something positive

Importantly: Remember if you need to talk to therapist to hep you navigate be all means put this post down and do what you need to do to start the healing process

Other ways to help mental wellness…

  • I am optimist, my mommy taught me how to look on the bright side of things. I have faith and hope that I am always going to make it through anything that is challenging, thankful I do !
  • Supportive people in your corner
  • Expressing gratitude: Having a gratitude journal has being really helping me. Every night I write down what I am thankful for. I go to bed with joy in my heart, and really helps with putting all my things into perspective
  • Mindfulness:  Presently and actively appreciating were you are at in life.

Disclaimer: I want to make it clear and I am not licences individual or therapist. These are just my personal thoughts.Importantly: Remember if you need to talk to therapist to help you navigate through it all; Pleas put this post down and do what you need to do to start your healing process.


Resources: Psychology Today: www.psychologytoday.com – has a whole list of therapist, and 
social workers in your area that you can reach out to for help). Therapy for Black Girls: www.therapyforblackgirls.com– has a list of black therapists in your area.

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“Until you heal the wounds of your past, you are going to bleed. You are going to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex; But eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the words,  Stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories and make peace with them. “

-Iyanla Vanzant

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My mom said me and Viola Davis favor each other in this picture

Photographer: Daniela Lisi – Nicole & Daniela Photography | IG: @nicole_daniela_studio or @nicole_daniela_photo |Website: www.NicoleDanielaPhoto.com 

Special shout to Daniela. She is one of the sweetest person I every met. She is so honest and I really appreciate people like her. We literally had a whole conversation while taking these pictures. I really appreciate and love days like this. 

Location: Nicole & Daniela Studio


Why I was inspired…

I love to tell my story because I feel like it can ignite the fire in someone to do something about what they are going through. It was really important for me to get my smile back so I turn my grief into a post to help myself, to learn, and to hopefully help someone else.  I hope this find you well

If you enjoy this post please let me know below in the comments section. Thank you so much for reading and don’t hesitate to like, comment and subscribe to my blog.

Also don’t be stranger on social media. Check me out of Facebook and Instagram

cassandra

Side Effects of Being Loner

Side Effects of Being Loner

Let me tell y’all something. I have always been by myself. I am the only child… no siblings. Never had that many friends and the boyfriend department, don’t even ask- he just don’t exist on the this planet.  I can say that I switch back and forth from being introvert and extrovert.  I had to take a step back from the fashion and address some things that have been heavy on my heart. I know I am not alone in this category. I am super lonely and I am trying to figure out how I can get myself out of this hole I made for myself.

A loner is person that chose not to interact with people.  Let me add my spin to it…. I do classify myself as loner however I pick and choose when I want to interact with people.  Some days I do and some days I want to spend time with myself. I come from a long line of people that are loners in my family. My daddy, grandpa, and whole host of uncles that like to be by themselves. I got it honest  However, being a loner has been super heavy on me lately.  I am highly sensitive person and sometimes I need to check out for my health but no one really wants to be alone all the time.  I remember when my grandpa told my mother his feeling about his son, my uncle. He said “that boys need to get married, somebody that can get him a cup coffee or something. Right there my mom knew my grandpa was lonely. He spent so many years being loner that he some regret about it.  Back to me,  so a few days ago, my mom and I were talking  just about anything  like we always do. The next thing I know I  literally broke down in tears telling her how  lonely I was at home.  And how I didn’t know what to do.  When I go home it just me, no pet, no man, not even a friend to come visit. When it like this you have a lot of time to get inside you head, it really makes it hard to get.  The side effects I have appearance lack of motivation, my stress level is through the roof,  and I have been super negative. I am here to say that it not fun being by yourself all the time.  So I here to try to  rid us for being lonely. Friendships and relationships are more like food. We need it !  So lets try to fix this together.

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Source: Giphy

How to Cope with Loneliness

Don’t get wrong there is some positives from being a loner. Self Dependent, you stick up for yourself, and you know yourself without comparison. I think those are all good things. I think when it comes to being a loner is, are you okay with being alone or not. Also I think you should find a balance with being alone and interacting with people.

If you are like me and your lonely here are few things to help us cope with loneliness.

  1. Identify it: Try not to be in denial about being alone. Being able to see and admit that your lonely. Ask yourself why. Are you afraid to be afraid alone? What are you really looking for ?  Ask yourself the tough questions about loneliness. This is the time to get real honest.  For me when I started feeling alone when one of my closest friend move away. Now I might me being real dramatic however those are my feelings. We use to hang out a lot and she was big part on how me and are other friends stayed together. She is just called away but I we be in denial if I didn’t say miss her company.

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    Source: Giphy
  2. Healthy quick fixes: Loneliness can be so deep that we can find ourselves i  a bad relationship because we want somebody so bad.  Try you hardness not to get so down in the  dump. Talk to a good friend or relative that you know mean well and have a heart to heart. I don’t wanna any of us to get caught up in numbing or pain and issue with drugs, bad relationships, and other ways.  For me I talk to my mom when I am feeling weighed down by a lot of stuff.

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    Source: Giphy
  3. Help someone instead: Take your energy and help someone else out instead. Reach out to them and help through sometimes instead on focusing on other people not there for you. Strengthen your relationship with people!
  4. Get a pet: I have been thinking about getting a pet lately.  From understanding pets can help with your mood especially dogs, I am biased !
  5. Seek help through therapy ! :  If you are really having a hard time coping with being alone then I would suggest to seek out therapist. It is nothing wrong with speaking to someone about all your feelings that you have inside.

The Pain You’ve Been Feeling, Can’t Compare To The Joy That’s Coming.

Romans 8:18

So I am currently working through my loneliness. I talk to my mom and try more harder to reach out to my friends and strengthen our relationship a little more. Little by little I am opening up more and making new friends. So lets see how to bring me out of the dark corner .

What are some ways you cope with being lonely ?

Let me know below in the comments section. Thank you so much for reading and don’t hesitate to like, comment and subscribe to my blog. Also don’t be stranger on social media. Check me out of FB and Instagram 

 

Feature Photo:

Location: Belle Isle Park

Photographer: Richelle Marie Photography | IG: @richellemariephoto